Has it ever happened that a small incident in the midst of an extremely busy day suddenly makes you forget where you are and remember something locked away in your memory a million years ago?

As a working adult, I take a lot of pride and happiness in my independence. My ability to drive, my choice of entertainment, my freedom to travel and not to mention financial independence. If I can manage something on my own, I will do it.

But I’ve been wondering in the last couple of months whether it’s a facade built over years of fear of rejection, rejection , trust issues created by the people you love… you get the drift.

A couple of months back, I was exploring an old part of town with a friend and as we were walking through the crowded street in search of food stalls (obviously!), we had to cross the road to the other side to get to the stall. And out of the blue, he held my hand while crossing the road, like I was a little child in need of help to get cross.

While the “independent” adult in me, for a split second, thought of how silly this seemed, there was a part of me that was transported to my childhood.

As a child, my mother would sometimes send me on errands to “Mummy Daddy shopping centre” that was a 5 minute walk from my house across the main road. And this road was always busy. As a child, I’d always been extremely scared of crossing the road. And my mother had advised me to ask an adult for help in case I was scared or if there was too much traffic. Actually- i forget if it was my mother or grandmother who taught me that. Anyway.. there I would stand, shopping bag in hand for 10-15 minutes unable to cross the road. And finally, after many failed attempts, i would gingerly make my way to a seemingly kind adult(they always were kind to me) and I’d ask them to help me cross the road. There was so much safety felt for those 2 minutes.

I don’t know if this memory popped up just in time to tell me that it’s ok to let people help you once in a while. It’s ok to feel safe in someone else’s hand. It’s ok to let someone take care of you. Or if this was just a random thought that flitted through me in the thronging streets of an old city…..

Love

Sunandha K